1. Your husband's best friend is having a huge Halloween party, so he came home with:
a) a sexy french maid's costume b) handcuffs & leather speedo c) a burqa d) quart of milk
2. At last year's Halloween party you were shocked when you found your:
a) husband cleaning up b) handcuffs & leather speedo c) wife kissing a dwarf d) lost snickers bar
3. You are always the one to take the kids (pugs, or cats) trick-or-treating because:
a) first dibs on candy b) handcuffs & leather speedo c) you're the better driver
d) french fries
4. Decorating for Halloween is:
a) fun b) handcuffs & leather speedo c) a good way to clean up the house d) candy corn
5. You always dress as a clown because:
a) you work in Congress b) handcuffs & leather speedo c) Pilsner beer d) it makes the dwarf feel better
6. Halloween's a good time to get drunk because:
a) french maid's costume looks better b) handcuffs & leather speedo c) there's no bad time d) Greek yogurt
If the majority of your answers were:
A's - The good news is one of every two might stay married. You're an average American, with a husband willing to clean up if only you'll wear the sexy french maid outfit. You religiously "test" your children's candy, because you have your favorites, and deserve to eat them. After all, who's doing the driving? On question three, you get to pick A and C ( See earlier blog, Can't Pass This). A final note; with all that candy, you'll look better as the french maid if there's lots of drinking going on.
B's - It was a good thing you could keep the congressional gym open during the government shutdown because it's essential that you look your best in your costume of choice (B). Now put down that copy of Fifty Shades and get back to work, before we pass The Congressional Reform Act of 2013 and ask for a divorce.
C's - 'C' as in "Can't stay Married." You're ashamed of your body, your wife's body, and you will probably fight over who gets to wear the burqa. Of course you found your wife kissing the dwarf because you drink Pilsner beer like a fish and drove her to it. Your idea of decorating is to empty your fridge out which is actually kind of smart because it's the scariest crap in the house.
D's - mostly a cut and paste error from my fitness pal food diary. Enough said.